


if you love me (why'd you leave me?)

by AshraGrisha



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Kinda, M/M, Miscommunication, i hate teenagers, robbe and sander need to talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:28:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21752251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshraGrisha/pseuds/AshraGrisha
Summary: Robbe visits his mom and he finally says the things he always wanted to say, and not only to her.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 4
Kudos: 218





	if you love me (why'd you leave me?)

**Author's Note:**

> These two boys own my ass, I swear, so I had to write about them. Forgive me if there's any mistakes.

His mother held him the moment she saw him, and Robbe truly breathed for the first time in days.

“Mom,” he whispered.

She didn’t say a word, just kept rubbing his back and humming softly. She was as beautiful as ever, with a messy bun, freckles all across her cheeks and a smile oh so familiar Robbe felt something warm in his chest.

“My baby boy, how I missed you.”

He felt a lump in his throat as she gently cupped his face.

“I missed you too, mum.”

Her eyes locked on his and he purposely avoided her gaze. He felt exposed and afraid that he would reveal too much.

“There’s something wrong.” She said, and it wasn’t a question.

“I’m just tired. I have a test tomorrow.”

She nodded and it was obvious she wasn’t convinced.

“Robbe, you have grown to become such a strong, caring person. I’m so proud of you.”

That’s the moment he felt something inside of him breaking. The façade he wore everyday was unbearable, and he knew he couldn’t do it. He would not pretend in front of her.

“Mom, I’m in so much pain.”

She was quick to embrace him, and he cried in his arms like a child. She kissed his hair and whispered sweet nothings into his ear, and he couldn’t stand the thought that she would probably hate him when she knew the truth.

“It’s alright, honey. I’m here for you.”

“I feel like I’m dying.”

“You have always taken care of me, Robbe. Now let me share your pain.”

He was shaking when he eventually calmed down, and his mother was so loving when she caressed his hair.

“I love a boy, mom. I love him so much I can’t barely hold it in my chest. And I know you’re probably disappointed because this isn’t what you wanted for me, but I swear I don’t regret it. I love him with my whole heart, in this universe, in every universe. I love him—”

She hugged him tightly and that was the last thig he expected. This was his mother, a woman that didn’t deserve any of the shit that she went through, quietly scaring his demons away.

“My darling son. I carried you in my womb and since the very first moment I have adored you. There’s not a single moment in my life I haven’t. You’re my dream come true, and nothing can ever change that.”

They both were crying and Robbe’s heart felt calm, because that was all he ever wanted. His mom seeing him as he was for the first time and still saying over and over again _baby, I’m proud of you._

“I was so scared.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, sweetie, but I will be now. You don’t have to face your problems alone, do you hear me? I’m always here for you.”

“And I for you.”

She smiled and that was almost enough to mend his broken heart. Almost.

“But tell me, what’s his name? Maybe when I’m out of here the three of us can have breakfast together, what do you think?”

“His name is Sander, and I don’t think that’s possible. It’s over between us, mom.”

“But you just said—”

“And I do. I love him, but he doesn’t want me anymore. And it’s my fault.”

She looked at him with pity, but he couldn’t find the strength to care.

“I bet that’s not the case.”

“I fucked up. I was a coward and I let everyone mess with my head.”

“Oh, baby. What’s the matter?”

“He’s bipolar,” said Robbe, and his mother flinched. “And it’s not what you think, mom. I don’t give a shit about that and it doesn’t change the way I feel about him. But I was frightened, and I believed what people said, that I was just a fantasy and that he never really loved me.”

“Robbe, the fact that he’s bipolar doesn’t make him incapable of loving.”

“I know that now. But I abandoned him when he needed me the most and I can’t forgive myself for that. He probably hates me now.”

“I don’t buy that. Loving you it’s the easiest thing in the world, how can anybody hate you?”

He was lost at words and he wanted desperately to believe her.

“I can give you a few examples,” said Robbe, his mind briefly flashing towards Britt and Noor.

“Having a mental illness is rough. Not only it consumes you, but it twists your perception. And above everything else, it makes you feel guilty and ashamed of yourself for the way it hurts the people that you care about. You feel like a burden, like they’re better off without you.”

“Don’t say that. You’re everything to me.”

“It’s the way it is sometimes, and it takes a lot of effort to put these thoughts aside. Sander is young and scared and confused, but his feelings are no less valid.”

“But he hasn’t answered my text and I—”

“Baby, you need to give him time, and when he’s ready, let him speak for himself.”

“I wish I could tell him I’m sorry.”

“You can,” she smiled. “Perhaps he also has some things to say.”

* * *

He walked home feeling lighter than ever. Before he said goodbye, his mother kissed him in the cheeks and said he was her biggest accomplishment. The night was quiet and the stars seemed to shine a little bit more, and when he arrived at the flat share, he let Zoe feed him a salad that she just invented, and he laughed at Senne and Milan bickering like siblings. It was good.

But then again, there was something missing. So he locked himself in his bedroom, took his phone and decided that Sander was the one, and he wasn’t going to let him go.

**Sander**

Dear Sander, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I never asked you how you felt. I’m sorry I believed other people over you.

I’m sorry I didn’t fight for you the way you have always done for me.

I’m sorry you were so scared that you couldn’t tell me you were bipolar.

But Sander, I promise you, you are loved. You are so loved you can’t even imagine.

I love you with all my heart. I love the way you tilt your head to the side when you want me to follow you.

I love that little scoff you make when I say something stupid.

I love the way you play with my hair and caress my neck and kiss me at all times.

I love the way you love Bowie. I love the way you sing his songs and how you made me love him too.

I love you, Sander. All the way, exactly as you are, no layers and no fear.

In every universe I would love you exactly the same, remember that.

After that, he cried so hard he fell asleep.

* * *

He woke up at three in the morning with the sound of his phone. It was a call.

“Hello?”

“Robbe.”

His heart skipped a beat.

“Yeah?”

He could hear the sound of Sander’s breathing from the other line. He pictured him alone in his room with the lights off, afraid to even move.

“I read your texts.”

“Oh.”

They didn’t say anything. Robbe wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he didn’t mind. He could stay like that for hours, days even, knowing that he was there on the other side.

“Why?”

It was a simple question, and Robbe knew right away what he meant. Why did he give up so easily before? Why he said _there’s no us_? If he loved him, why he left him?

“I was so scared.”

“I can’t blame you for that.”

No. God, no.

“I wasn’t scared because you’re bipolar. I was scared because I thought you didn’t love me.”

Sander snorted, but after a moment, he began to cry.

“Robbe, Robbe, _please,_ can you stop breaking my heart?”

“What?”

“How can you believe that, when loving you was all I ever did?”

It was everything he needed to hear and more. So he joined him, and they both cried silently in the phone, because they were stupid teenagers that felt so alone and beaten by the world, and somehow managed to find each other. And Robbe could swear right away that if there was such a thing as soulmates, that was what Sander was to him.

“Then come home,” he said, and smiled. “Come home to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry? I don't know why I do this to myself when I should be studying. Anyway, I hoped you liked it.  
> Find me in tumblr as ashragrisha


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